rampant ED thinking

As much as I hate referring to my eating disorder as "ED" this morning is a great example of those thoughts taking over my life. First I was planning on going swimming...oh so obsessive of me considering I spent all day yesterday snowboarding (wooohooo!!). Then, when I woke up, I decided I was too tired and sore to swim. That was a very difficult decision to make and it left me sort of discontent. I spent my last hour in bed restlessly wondering what yoga class I could go to today for some kind of a work out.

I got up, went online, found the class schedule and discovered that there is a class at 9am that would be ideal...but I wouldn't be able to have breakfast beforehand (I hate doing yoga on a full stomach and you're not really supposed to anyway). So... anxiety drove me back to the schedule and, upon closer examination, I found a perfect class later this afternoon. 

Situation resolved; but doesn't it seem so silly? Normal people don't worry about these things or get upset when they're routine is uprooted. 

lets go

Yesterday I taught my first official yoga class. It was humbling and empowering at the same time, like so much of the practice of yoga. All the feedback my teacher gave me was really useful. It's pretty clear that journaling and reflecting on my life and practice more will be a big help. I suppose that's why I'm doing this...just throwing it out there. 

Blogging and writing online journals has always seemed like a desperate attention-grabbing act to me. I have been guilty of using this kind of forum to those ends before and I don't want to do it again. I don't expect to be read, cared about or responded to. Maybe that's part of my problem...

Lets just see what's jumbled around in my head right now - snow, josh the architect, yoga, walking my dog, christmas, driving home, snowboarding, registering my car, money, christmas gifts, food, christmas party, graduation, school, thesis, volunteering, my body...

I guess that list could go on. That was stupid. Why do I list? It must be the neat freak in me.